Ah, yes, Dartmouth University College — notorious for its prolific drinking culture, outdoorsmanship and god awful winters, yet it still stands as one most “unique” Ivies and top academic institutions in the world. I’d also be remiss to not mention that Dartmouth is thought to be where the game of beer pong originated.
1. You have utilized every single piece of clothing in your possession and desperately need to get laundry done.
Why this doesn’t matter: Leggings can be worn at least 6 times before washing. Right?
2. It’s January and it’s cold.
Why this doesn’t matter: Really? What are you realistically going to do tonight? You’ll most likely be binge watching Netflix and checking your Tinder matches every 15 minutes. Go out and try to be a human being.
3. Your hookup wants to come over for a “movie night.”
Why this doesn’t matter: Well actually, it does, see movie night above!
4. You have that 10 page essay on Global Expansion after WWII due in 2 days.
Why this doesn’t matter: Are you kidding me? Two days, one hour is all you need to write some shitty paper paraphrasing the benefits of capitalism taken directly from Wikipedia.
5. You’re really hungover and haven’t showered yet today.
Why this doesn’t matter: Don’t worry the bar is always going to smell worse than you do.
Four thirsty “die-hard” tailgating hawks fans have reached out via craigslist in search of worthy opponents “to play a best of 7 world series style game of flip cup at about 6am Saturday morning.”
Here’s a preview of their posting below:
There will be 4 of us and we need groups of 4. Bonus points if you are female simply because they asked one of the single guys in the group to post this and that’s what you fucking do on Craigslist. You ask for females.
Woah, easy with the generalizations there, bro. I know plenty of people who use Craigslist for more than just scouring the casual encounters section. (WARNING: NFSW LINK).
Moreover, they are pretty cocky [no pun intended if you clicked the link above]:
We’re good at flip cup. In fact, better than you plus 3 of your friends. We are Richard Sherman, you are fucking Skip Bayless. We are Russell Wilson, you are Colin Kaepernick. We are the WWII Allies and you are the fucking Axis. We are the East Compton Clovers, you are the Rancho Carne Toros.
We are better. Period.
Frankly, I am considering challenging them myself — I mean, what kind of guys use Craigslist to seek out flip cup enthusiasts? Did they already exhaust of all their options on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Linkedin? Yeah… on second thought, count me out.